by Heather Martin, VPG Contributor
This month, I had the opportunity to help facilitate a discussion group for VPG. It was something I had never done before, and I was nervous about it. I felt comfortable with the topic of people-pleasing, ironically however, I was worried about pleasing the people who would be there. I feared letting Ashley and the VPG team down and worried that the attendees would wonder why I had been chosen to lead part of the discussion.
The day before the event, Ashley and I rehearsed my topic. I got through the examples I was going to use and my thoughts on people-pleasing. I felt it went okay and sat back feeling pretty good about myself. Then Ashley gave me her thoughts; while they were mostly positive, she did give me some constructive criticism on areas I could improve and how better to facilitate discussion in a group setting.
Now, to be honest, I think I’m like most people and don’t love to hear criticism about myself. In this instance, I will say that I appreciated Ashley’s radical candor and it did help me feel more confident for the actual panel discussion. I definitely knew that I was doing something outside my comfort zone, and I valued her words of wisdom. It got me thinking, though, about receiving criticism.
We will all be faced with times in our lives when we’re not perfect. Maybe it will be doing something we’re not entirely comfortable with, or maybe it’s something we’ve done many times before, and someone is finally brave enough to tell us we’re doing it wrong. Whatever the circumstances, there will come a time when someone will tell us we’re wrong. How we receive this critique is everything. “Criticism of any kind can be hard to swallow,” but it can “guide you towards new heights you might not have achieved otherwise,” Julia Martins says in an article on Asana.com.
In the article, Martins discusses how to give constructive criticism, a useful skill indeed. But she also discusses how to receive said criticism, a far less practiced but arguably more needed skill. Receiving less-than-positive feedback can sting, but learning how to take criticism is a valuable tool. Two important ways to do this are, first, not reacting immediately and taking some time to evaluate the criticism. Being criticized “can engage our fight or flight response” (Martins) and lead to an angry or argumentative response. Taking just a moment to calm down can be very useful.
This leads to the second suggestion: understand that the feedback being offered is meant to help you improve. Sometimes, you might be expecting constructive criticism because you asked for help, but other times, it comes as a surprise. Either way, realizing that the person offering the criticism most likely has “your best interests at heart” (Martins) will help you receive it in the way it was intended. And maybe, just maybe, it will actually help you improve yourself.
One final note: the article suggested thanking the person who gave us the criticism. She pointed out that giving constructive criticism is hard and may not be comfortable for the person giving it. They deserve to know that their effort was worth it. So, in the spirit of this article, thank you, Ashley, for the constructive criticism. It was not only warranted but also useful and helped me more confidently lead the discussion. I appreciate both the critique and the opportunity.
Martins, Julia. “How to Give and Take Constructive Criticism • Asana.” Asana, 18 July 2022
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